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Divorce sucks; but so can marriage

 So Keegan's school called me today to let me know she had a fever of 103 and was going to be sent home.  She's with her dad this week but instead of me picking her up and letting her dad know after the fact, Chop threw a hissy fit and I had to call her dad to go get her.  I get that it's his week and we're divorced.  I get that I'm remarried and have a certain loyalty to my husband.  But she's my daughter, my blood, the child I carried in my womb and I should have just gone and gotten her.  Fact is, that we may have divorced each other, but we have children together and we are in each others lives forever.   I just wish Chop could be a little more supportive and a little less antagonistic.  It's better for everyone if we can all just get along.  It would be really helpful if he could understand that they don't stop being my daughters just because it's not my week.  And sometimes, its just easier as the stay at home parent in the family as a whole to step up and take care of some of these things.  Divorce sucks, there's no question about that.  It sucks for the kids and for the courts and for the holidays and for everyone involved.  Marriage can suck too when there's not enough (or any) communication, or when there isn't support for a situation that is going to be there whether or not it's liked.  Personally, being in both is the worst because it requires pleasing everyone all the time.  For that, I really feel bad for my daughters who are always in both and having things thrown at them from both sides.  What's a divorced/remarried mom to do???

Hope and Holidays

So, we're moved in to our new home.  Thanksgiving is this upcoming Thursday.  We have the Christmas tree up and the front of the house decorated.  Reilley got a new cat for his birthday.  Chugger is the most tolerant cat ever.  Things are settled.  Calm~well, as calm as things ever get with 4 small children a kitten and a husband.  We're happy.  Chop has been working full time at a paint manufactory.  He makes industrial paints that they use on boats and oil rigs and such.  I'm so proud of him, he puts so much into his job and he works so hard to support us all so that I can stay home.  I think this is going to be short since I'm falling asleep typing.  But this is the short version.  I'm loving my home and my family and am truly looking forward to the holidays.  Good night all!

The New House

Well I'm loving our new home.  Unpacking is proving a little more difficult because Stephen just started a new job as well.  He seems to like it.  The new house is smaller than the old one but it doesn't feel like it because the kitchen and living rooms are bigger.  The kids seem to like this house as well.  Then again as long as they have toys to play with and food when they're hungry they don't seem to care much.  Our landlords live right above us so I've tried really hard to keep the noise to a minimum.  The kids usually do pretty well not yelling but my patience has been wearing thin.  Hopefully I'm able to regain it over the weekend.  Evin is proving a challenge lately because he only wants to be held and nursed and I'm trying to wean him.  It's very frustrating.  He refuses to take regular cows milk (he's not lactose intolerant) after more than a sip or two.  He doesn't even like juice that much.  All he ever wants to do is lay in my lap and nurse which hinders that unpacking I mentioned earlier.  He doesn't even want to get down and play that much.  He's had a cold for about a month and they say it just has to pass.  Unfortunately they aren't the ones who have to take care of him.  I guess I just have to hang in there but it's so hard.  I'll keep posting.  Right now though, it's time to make breakfast and coffee and get the kids dressed and ready for the day (cause they're going to have to come with me to pick up Keegan from her slumber party). 


So here we are, moving again.  I hate moving.  Every one gets stressed and ornery.  Things get misplaced and ruined.  The kids are all disrupted.  I like the home we're moving to though so I guess it balances out.  Our kitchen is bigger.  So is our living room.  The bedrooms are a bit smaller but we only sleep in them anyway.  The rent is considerably cheaper so there are trade offs.  This is going to be great though I just know it.  Hopefully once we're settled I can start working toward losing some weight and being a calmer, happier mama.  Counseling went well.  It's going to take some time for there to be any real progress but it's just one more thing to work at.  The kids seem pretty excited about moving and such.  I'm hoping that they adjust well to it and that I can get us all into a nice stable and steady routine.  The landlords seem pretty cool.  They like the kids.  Well, I guess I should go get packing.  Stay tuned.  I'll post again soon but it might have to wait until we have internet at the new house.  TTFN


I have realized that having sons is 720 degrees different than having daughters.  My sons are full of energy, they are always switched on, even when they are sick.  However, they are whiny and clingy when they are sick where my daughters are not.  My daughters are relatively pleasant when they are ill.  My boys have taught me how to look at the world in a whole new way.  The world is a place to be deeply explored, to test the limits and ride the waves.  They don't help fold the laundry, they turn it into tents and sleeping bags in the middle of the living room floor.  They cling to mama like their own life force would leave their bodies if I left the room.  My boys are special.  Their eyes sparkle when you build a block tower because they know you're building it for them to tear down.  They are always excited to see me and come to me for hugs even when I'm the one that gave them time out or scolded them.  They are whirlwinds, constantly spinning until they can't anymore and they just die out and fall asleep.  They get excited over football and trains and bath time.  My boys are rambunctious and alive.  My daughters are as well but in a much different way.  My boys throw temper tantrums and make scenes but they do so in a way that leaves me in awe more than anger.  The saying is that boys are made of snips and snails and puppy dogs tails.  That's wrong.  When I see my boys, they are made of every wind that's ever blown, they smell like fresh autumn morning, and they look like dewy grass.  They are fresh and real like all little boys.  I'm so blessed to have all my children, but my boys remind me that I need to live in this moment and in this time.  They  teach me to look at things in a new way that makes the world seem new again.  They are my boys, my sons.  They are mine.

For Reilley and Evin.


Becoming a mother is about giving.  From the moment you decide to have a child you give.  You eat healthier, give up smoking and drinking alcohol to make sure your unborn child is healthy and getting the best start.  You breastfeed that child to make sure they get the antibodies that keep them from getting sick and the hormones that develop their minds and bodies.  You give up sleep to care for your newborn (and sometimes not so newborn) baby.  As she grows, you skip meals just to keep up with her.  You slowly stop doing the things that you enjoy; needlepoint, playing guitar, writing, dancing, painting; to do the things she enjoys; going to the park, playing Barbies, putting on make-up, or just talking.  You give your heart, soul, your wisdom to make her a better person.  Before you know it, she'll be all grown up, going off to college, getting married and giving herself to her children.  But, for right now, she's seven.  She still likes to curl up in your lap and snuggle, she likes being read to.  She likes to turn on High School Musical and dance around the living room, singing at the top of her lungs.  She's your little girl, and as you tuck her in to bed and watch her sleep you remember not to take that for granted as you so often do.

To my little girl Keegan on her golden birthday!  I love you!!